This summer, my son and I went on a trip…30 days in Europe. We called it “30 days of Yes,” where we said “Yes” to things we would initially say no to, whether it was something that scared us (cliff jumping), an opportunity that presented itself (riding an electric scooter) or trying something new (every country eating a cultural dish).
On our trip, we stopped by a little town called Dingle, Ireland.
We arrived at our Airbnb 100-year-old Irish Farmhouse later than expected, and when we got there, we were tired. It had been a long day of traveling.
We were greeted by Tom, who promptly welcomed us to his house and grabbed our luggage.
Over the next few days, each time we arrived at the house, Tom would ask how our day was and what he could get us.
When we departed, it felt like we were leaving a friend in Tom and a place we loved (Dingle).
My son, B, and I went on with the rest of our trip and had an incredible time. When we were supposed to depart to come back home, our plans changed. We decided at the last minute to go back to Dingle and stayed with Tom again.
Tom mentioned something to me on the second visit that really hit me hard.
He said, “The first time you came to Dingle, you were Jessica. The strong, independent, take no prisoners woman. Where things were planned and organized. You seemed stressed. This time, you’re Jess. You’re much more relaxed, go with the flow and chill. I liked Jessica but I like Jess much better, because you seem to be more joyful and less stressed.”
I didn’t realize that I was being two different ways. When I thought about it, I realized, for much of my life, I’ve felt like I have to be Jessica….the business owner, the single mom, the one who makes all the decisions, the one my son depends on 100% for everything, the one who brings in the income, the one who is dependable, the one who grocery shops, the one who takes my son to sporting events, the one who plans days, holidays, trips. The one who does it all.
When you feel like you’re the one who does it all, you might be adding that extra stress or pressure to your life. You feel like you have to keep all the balls afloat. And if even one of them falls, then what happens?
Typically, that’s when your mind plays tricks on you and says, when one ball falls, then everything falls to pieces (kids don’t get to activities, I’ll be late to work, no groceries in the house, the house doesn’t get cleaned, you won’t be able to afford things, etc).
Your mind continues to say that everything depends on you, so you can’t let a ball fall.
Don’t put that extra stress and pressure on yourself.
If your kids eat cereal for dinner, it’s good. They ate.
If the house doesn’t get cleaned this week, it’s fine. It’ll get done at some point.
If you arrive late, it’s okay. We’ve all been late before.
Take a look at your life and your days, at home and at work. Are you being Jessica or Jess?
Don’t allow things or people to stress you out. Stress is one of the worst things for your physical and mental health.
Pause. Take a deep breath. Smile. It’s hard to feel stressed and smile at the same time.
It’s okay when a ball falls, you’ll catch it next time.
It’s fine when things don’t go as planned. They hardly ever do.
You got this. Stressing about it won’t help.
Give yourself permission to be more like Jess, it’s good for every aspect of your health.
Remind yourself, You are amazing! You got this, my friend! (keep repeating these until you begin to believe them 😊
